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Our nation isexperiencingacrisis that is shockingly –a dirty little secret fewof usseem towant to know about. Officials report that 90 percent of elder abuseactuallyis occurringinhomes, notininstitutions.And, unlike accidents,and lack of know-how,elder abuse is intentional, takingthe form of physical, sexual, financial and emotional abuse/neglect, or a combination of these,and apparently it has becomerampant in our parents¹ homes.
June 15thhas been namedWorld Elder Abuse Awareness Day and weat POP (www.ParentingOurParents.org),the global community for seniors and those caring foraging loved ones)wishtohonor that designation by bringingboththelightof attentionas well as somemeaningfulsolutionsto our nation¹s families.
There isa huge gap between the idealized versions of older Americans “aging in place” andthe harsh realities of 21st century living.
90 percent of Americansoversixtysaythey want to remainliving in theirhomes.Ifyou are partofthe one in four families who haveseniorsdepending on you, you are probably struggling to find the time and moneyto keep your loved ones out of institutions. You are wanting to discover how to navigate the myriad governmental programs, health issues and emotional challenges of role reversal, while asking: whatwill it take formyparents tobeable to stay safely and actively involved in their home, community and their own lives?
As a nation we need to make it a priority to better educate, better pay and better treat thosewhoare caring for our loved ones. Recently the Los Angeles City Council approved landmark legislation that raises the minimum wage to $15 an hour by 2020 and we are proud of our City Council for doing so. We urge other legislative bodiestoinsist that there bebetterpay andalso more relevant training forthosecaring for our seniors at home boththe paid and unpaid caregivers.
But with in-homecaremost frequently providedfrom a combination of paid and voluntary — usually family –support,howwillmanyof our aging population or their middle-aged children (whom we call “POParents”) be able to affordthe care and “senior-proofing” their environments and lives will needin order to “age in place” at home?
Moreoverour homes are hardly the safe havens for older Americanswe may have imagined orwouldwant them to be! The repeating dangers of living at homeinclude: falls related to clutter, random rugs and insufficient equipment such as grab bars; living ³under the radar² of the health care system,as recently reported in medical journals; starvation and/or malnutrition; self-neglect; and the life-threatening harm that can be associated with under-socialization.
Theseleading challenges of aging at home areknownby geriatric experts and even though they are commonsensical,oftentheyremain largely “unrepaired” by family members who have been given no training or family coaching on to how to do better. Many of the resultingincidents, althoughunintentionally damaging, aretragically preventable.
For every elder abuse case that comes to light, allegedly 23 other casesremain undiscovered. If even a small percent of these horrible numbers is substantiated, that’s a dirty secret that needs complete airing,prioritization and urgent funding of law enforcement. Along withthose reforms must comebetter training of family members and home health care workers about how to attend to those under their care.
Let’s use our famous American initiative to design innovative programs. At POP, for example, we have taken the lead to create an intergenerational Family Coaching Program. Family members, health and legal professionals, caregivers and others interested in a senior¹s wellbeing work with an experienced coach. They gather, usually on Skype, when and as needed as the years go by, both to formulate loving, affordable, safe plans as well as to learn the skills family members need to support their loved ones as their minds, bodies and spirits age.
It’s undeniable that our senior citizens are a treasure trove ofsoon-to-beforgotten family history, love, intriguing ideas anda way of being that make themspecialto us.Isn’t it our responsibility to make sure that this precious resource is well attended to and well planned for? And isn’t it our duty to see that those who care for this precious resource havedecent working conditions, pay that matches their responsibility andrelevant training–as well as our continuing gratitude?
If we love our aging parents the way we say we do, isn’t this the time for American families to draw back the curtain on these ugly, dark secrets and pull together. Let’s pay more attention to preventing harm and ensure the future wellbeing of our loved ones by taking a stand for better conditions, better pay and better training programs for all those who are caring for them!
Jane Wolf Waterman, is author of “Oh, My God! We’re Parenting Our Parents.”